Wednesday, February 08, 2012
The end is near...a new beginning on the horizon
Now that I'm nearing the end of my chemotherapy treatment, and I remain in remission, I wonder what my "new" normal will look like? Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that the chemo has worked in ridding me of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, but I can't help but feel a type of mourning for what i experienced the last seven months of my life. This experience has altered my view of life and has heightened my awareness, including that of myself. Cancer survivor's often talk about fitting into this a new reality, and now I'm beginning to grasp what they're talking about. Life will never look or feel the same. Everything will have new meaning, and grander purpose. Emotions are sometimes out of sync with reality, and of course there are those lingering effects of chemo (neuropathy, body aches, fatigue, nausea, etc) that sometimes last years. There is a sadness and perhaps even guilt i feel for surviving cancer while many others have not. I mourn hose who have lost their battle, or are currently struggling. I'm ok, really, just reflecting on my experience and pondering the future. I have no doubt it will be beautiful and amazing, and I look forward to all the miracles that lie ahead! My final chemotherapy treatment will be next week. I'll be happy to move onward and upward!